January 2011
Sweet Christ, that last post was Emo.
I didn’t mean to come across all “I’m spending the New Year alone with champagne and tears.” I’m good with it. I had offers, including my bartender friend who is mad at me for not coming to his bar. (And now that I think about it, I probably could have gotten a kiss off the cutie.)
I just don’t much like this night. I don’t like crowds, I don’t like...
in the spirit of whispered posts...
I’m supposed to be celebrating this arbitrary “holiday” with a friend but he’s being a right cocksucker, so I’m leaving him on my computer with his facebook cunt and I’m throwing my own party, for myself. I party better by myself anyway. I have my iPod tucked into my bra and I’ve cranked up the Ke$ha. I’m having a blast. I’m not a person for...
December 2010
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Phenomenal genius, that's me
Just because I’m not working today and I slept until noon doesn’t mean that I can’t get stuff done, right? Thought I was being all efficient this morning. Stripped the sheets, separated the laundry, got it all started. Had breakfast, thought it was the perfect time to take a shower.
Got out of the shower. Guess where my towels are?
If you guessed in the washing machine, you...
I'm so glad he falls asleep really easily
Because now I can fuck around on the internet all night without disturbing him. Sucks for him to have to work tomorrow. This bitch is sleeping in.
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Hilarity of the day
Meeting three dashing young men in suits carrying The Book of Mormon as I’m walking across my parking lot carrying, among other things, a bottle of bourbon and two of champagne.
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Weird cats are weird
I visited a friend’s house for the first time the other day, and she owns two of the strangest looking cats I’ve ever seen. Adorable ones, don’t get me wrong, just strange.
The first was a Sphynx. It’s got no hair.
I sat down next to him and the only thing I could think was “how do I pet it?” How do you pet something with no hair? No hair and baggy skin that...
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Weird cats are weird
I visited a friend’s house for the first time the other day, and she owns two of the strangest looking cats I’ve ever seen. Adorable ones, don’t get me wrong, just strange.
The first was a Sphynx. It’s got no hair.
I sat down next to him and the only thing I could think was “how do I pet it?” How do you pet something with no hair? No hair and baggy skin that...
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Oreos.
Best thing ever or best thing ever?
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Life changing hiccup advice
Someone told me the other day, while I was dying of body-wracking, lung-hurting, terribly large hiccups that I needed to take a huge breath and burp it out.
Stopped those bastards in their tracks. Done and done.
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I'm better now
I had a trusty breakfast of Doritos and Diet Coke and feel like a new woman. It’s good because there’s tons of terribly important work to be done today.
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TMI Wednesday*
*because I missed it on Tuesday
Tic Tacs taste just as refreshingly minty on the way back up!
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This shit is for the birds
I cannot believe I am up at 6am to thrust my hands into a dead bird. I usually get tiny breasts and don’t eat stuffing so this isn’t a problem. My mother’s got other ideas and since she’s at the hotel down the road it’s all me.
Raw poultry freaks me out enough when it’s boneless, skinless chicken. This is just fucking gross.
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I may wait until the last minute, but in that last...
My list from yesterday?
fridge? emptied.
liquor? obtained.
clothes? away.
presents? wrapped.
oil? changed.
itinerary? cobbled.
nails? manicured. (Lucerne-tainly Look Marvelous for those interested.)
tablecloth? found.
legs? smooth as a baby’s ass.
all the things? fucking cleaned.
And that includes vacuuming my car. I also made it to the grocery store, the car wash, & Pier One...
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256. The following items should be done each... →
thebluehour:
1. Light a fire - bon fire, a log or two in the hearth, light a candle at the very least.
3. Watch the Macy’s parade.
5. Hold hands tighter than usual.
7. Sing.
9. Be more patient.
12. Enjoy the fact that the darkest and coldest time of year is the brightest and warmest.
(via 1001rulesformyunborndaughter)
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Days don't get much better than this
My family is halfway down the country in their car, and my brother hasn’t killed my mother yet.
I was just notified that I was getting a bonus AND a raise*.
My biggest nightmare customer got her artwork to me early, and said she’s been singing my praises to my bosses.
I’m only working until 1:30 and then I’m off until next Wednesday.
I am wearing green and red knit...
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I may wait until the last minute, but in that last...
My list from yesterday?
fridge? emptied.
liquor? obtained.
clothes? away.
presents? wrapped.
oil? changed.
itinerary? cobbled.
nails? manicured. (Lucerne-tainly Look Marvelous for those interested.)
tablecloth? found.
legs? smooth as a baby’s ass.
all the things? fucking cleaned.
And that includes vacuuming my car. I also made it to the grocery store, the car wash, & Pier One...
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To Do List before parents arrive tomorrow...
empty the fridge so there’s room for the turkey (and the Vermont beer my brother is bringing. SCORE.)
put away a week’s worth of laundry
stop by the liquor store to stock up
wrap some presents so nobody gets sneak peaks
get my oil changed to avoid a lecture from my father
cobble together some semblance of an itinerary so my mother doesn’t find a way to make us go to the...
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If I lived in the London of Doctor Who?
I’d be fucking terrified of Christmas. The meanest aliens come out at Christmas.
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This dinner brought to you by the letter C
I just realized that the planned smorgasbord for tonight has cheese, crackers, cookies (what? it’s Christmas!), Campbell’s vegetable soup and Coke, diet. This is more pathetic than my friend who only eats beige food.
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My shopping habits have become so much more...
Special thanks go to Valerina, who posted this bag she bought the other day, prompting me to stop into the store to check it out tonight while Christmas shopping (still not done!) where I found its baby sister on sale for $13. Score!
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I'm doing someone else's job in addition to my own
While he’s gone for two weeks for the holiday. I got about 3.5 minutes of training before he hightailed it out of the office on Friday, so today has been all about sending emails entitled “Gee, I hope I’m doing this right!”
I’ve spent the past half hour fighting with my scanner. It’s one of those desktop document jobbies that on the surface is just fabulous. It...
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I have managed to make myself bleed twice already...
Once with a sheet of paper, and the other with a chintzy plastic knife. Clearly I am a danger to myself and must go home.
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