Never should have agreed to help my most high maintenance friend test drive cars today
I’m already at the dealership and she just texted to say she turned her car around because she forgot to put on mascara.
The animals are still alive
The dog was crying and the cat was missing when I first came in, but I took the dog out and let her run in circles and now she’s asleep under the chair, and the cat is sitting at the foot of the bed looking disdainfully at me. Ah well. If she forgave me for being gone for three weeks, she’ll forgive me for the dog.
Impending furpocalypse
So, Gretchen is back visiting. It’s raining so we’re inside this time. Last week, we were inside for a while and Gretchen was taking a nap and my cat wandered past and just sort of side-eyed her and there wasn’t any drama.
I don’t think we’re going to have that sort of luck today.
Sookie’s out from under the bed and has her cockles up. There’s been growling and hissing but she hasn’t moved from her spot. Gretchen, bless her idiot soul, is completely unfazed. She apparently gets beaten up by her sister cat all the time so this is nothing new for her. She’s bopping around like nothing’s wrong.
Problem is, I have to leave soon. Hope they’re both alive when I get back.
Somebody’s comfortable.
My life is fucking fantastic
I spent the evening at a friend’s house with a bunch of women who each have such a level of drama in their lives it’s nearly unbelievable. They all have at least ten, if not 15 years on me, and yet a couple of them are so fantastically naive I wonder how they make it through a day.
My life sure as shit is not that fabulous, but I wouldn’t trade it for any of their lives if you paid me. Some of the drama is basic life shit that you can’t escape, but some of it is absolutely brought on themselves. Someone even said tonight, as another told her tale, “that sounds like a Lifetime movie!”
I always thought that I was fairly average in means of intelligence, but the more people I meet, the more I think I might be a fucking genius.
Little Doodle loves her Auntie Shovelbum. She was so happy when she opened the package, she starting singing:
“Oh Canada… my home is made of land”
I love this kid.
I swear on my life as a kid I used to think it was “We stand on God for thee” and never quite understood it. Why are we standing ON God? Doesn’t that make God a little uncomfortable?
You know what?
When you put pink-striped hair into a braid it looks really cool.
Spell your tumblr name with your tags. DO IT!
park it like it’s hot
and guacamole
like being chased by the old slow-moving zombies
my pasta beats yours every time
there can be only one
real boobs ftw
edgy and dull
everything needs more guacamole
rinse and repeat.
Seriously sister put it away
O hai, I’m nekkid
THAT’S BAD OK?
Hannah Montana makes me want to kill myself
Exercise?
Radioactive boars is something I never thought I’d say
Even monkeys like spas
She won’t let me wear a snowsuit to the wedding
To slag: chiefly British: to criticize harshly
Hot bartenders
All bacon, all the time
The internet is so confusing
From where I’m sitting, I can see both Saturn and Mars
Y’all, Google Sky Map is the awesomest app ever.
Putting on makeup under florescent lighting is a special kind of torture.
Look away, I’m hideous!
